apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
