I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We have started to decorate penises.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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