OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
