I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
