This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
