she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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