I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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