I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize