Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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