i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
