When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
