Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
