If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
