ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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