Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
