so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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