Where is the hickey?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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