I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
