you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
