Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
