My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
