Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
