Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think I am morally bankrupt
I look better un-naked...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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