i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
