im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
