ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
