Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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