he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
