Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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