Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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