Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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