those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
