3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish you could order shots online.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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