Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
