Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
