In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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