It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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