Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
