dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
