Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
