Do you still have your period?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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