I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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