So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
sarcasm needs its own font
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
