just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
