He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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