so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
