I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
