also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
