and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
