ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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