i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
