it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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