12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have feelings that need drinking.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
