She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
