i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize