I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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