guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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