8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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