i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
