Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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