YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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