you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
