it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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