I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize