sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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