This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
