so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
