he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
