She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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