So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize