OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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