She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
