I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
