i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
