Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
