drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
