i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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