Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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