My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he told me I talked like a deaf person
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
